I really enjoy Wine & Spirits magazine. I’m a subscriber. Of the major wine publications in the US, it’s the one I end up spending the most time with. I like it because it stays focused on the wine, not the wine (insert air quotes) lifestyle.

But the one thing that always makes me laugh are the food pairing notes in the individual wine reviews at the back of the magazine.

I classify them into 4 main categories:

• The Impossibly Specific
• The Hopelessly Obscure
• The Practically-a-Recipe
• The Day-Planner

While I call them ridiculous (and they are), I have to admit they’re kind of fun. I look forward to reading them in a can-you-believe-this kind of way. And they are evocative even if they aren’t terribly useful.

Having said that, below are the 10 most ridiculous examples from the most recent issue, August 2011:

The Impossibly Specific

“…would match well with steamed asparagus – or the fried clam and pickled strawberry sandwich at No. 7 Sub in NYC.”
Paul Jaboulet Aîné 2010 Côtes du Rhône Parallèle 45

“For the parmesan-crusted chicken at Jean-Georges in New York.”
Fantinel 2009 Collio Vigneti Sant’Helena Pinot Grigio

“It will come in handy for early fall dinners of roasted eggplant and the season’s last stuffed tomatoes.”
Vaeni 2006 Naoussa

The Hopelessly Obscure (so obscure, it has to be italicized)

“Decant a bottle for pasta wth rabbit squazet.”
Gravner 2004 Venezia Giulia Breg Anfora

“Then decant it for bavette.”
Wind Gap 2008 Sonoma Coast Syrah

The Practically-a-Recipe

“A rosé for a chicken fricassee with button mushrooms, cream and plenty of herbs.”
Domaine de l’Hermitage 2010 Bandol L’Oratoire

“Check it out this winter with a rabbit stewed with cinnamon and tomatoes.”
Vaeni NV Makedonikos Semi-Dry

“For spit-roasted pigeon seasoned with juniper and bay.”
La Castellada 2004 Collio Sauvignon

The Day-Planner

“…like the soppressata it might accompany on a picnic in Muir Woods.”
Failla 2009 Sonoma Coast Pearlessence Vineyard Pinot Noir

“Chill it for an evening by the lake, with fresh-caught perch on the grill.”
Henry of Pelham 2009 Niagara-on-the-Lake Chardonnay Musqué

Keep ’em coming, Wine & Spirits! Perhaps one day I’ll have the pleasure of reading in your pages the perfect wine pairing for human breast milk cheese (eaten whilst strolling around Piazza Navona, of course).